How did you fare this Valentine's Day? Did your partner go all-out, did you get a box of last minute service station chocolates, or did you boycott this "commercial" holiday?

Your partner's Valentine's Day effort might reveal than you think. While 'financial intimacy' might sound like two accountants impressing each other with Excel formulas—it is a key ingredient to a successful relationship.

Find your financial soul-mate

If you ask married couples why their relationship works, they are probably not going to say it is because they found their financial soul-mate. But if they have, they are fortunate (no pun intended) because contrary to popular belief, the real relationship wrecker is not sex or the in-laws—it's money.

If not handled properly, money has the potential to ruin even the best of relationships. It is a primary source of couple conflict and a major factor contributing to divorce.

When your wallets align, so to do your hearts

Marrying for love is a relatively new phenomenon. For centuries marriages were arranged to align families for economic and political purposes. While we might scoff at our opportunistic, love-poor ancestors now, many experts say that marriage is still a financial union.

Professor Betsey Stevenson is a researcher in the economics of marriage and divorce and says so much of what we want out of life boils down to money.

'A lot of the debates people have about money are code for how we want to live our lives,' she says.

Professor Stevenson says that the simple truth is that money issues are with us every day, and if couples can't agree on the financial basics, they risk living a life full of stress and discord. 

'The choices in how we want to live our lives involve how we spend money, and making those choices as a team is one of the most important ways to preserve your relationship.'

Love is blind, but your bank manager isn't

Not everyone is in a relationship with their financial soul-mate and sometimes when you are so busy falling in love, it is easy to gloss over the fact that you don't see eye to eye on issues like spending and saving.

However, there are several ways that couples can become more financially 'in sync'. By assessing your financial capability, you might find that your partner's frugal ways make them the safe choice when considering property investment. Or maybe their limited Valentine's Day effort is the result of a bad financial decision.  Either way, it is important for couples, to determine their financial compatibility and work out a strategy that keeps both wallets and hearts fulfilled.

We provide some strategies for adding some financial intimacy to your relationship—no fancy Excel formulas required!

Let's talk about money baby, let's talk about you and me... The key to talking about money is to start talking early. Don't wait until your partner has maxed out their credit card to raise the issue of money. Find a time when there is no specific financial issue at hand to initiate a calm discussion. Talk and share your financial goals with each other. Once you've heard about your partner's goals, you can digest how this works for you and how you can work together to achieve these goals. Let's get quizzical, quizzical... One way to get the conversation started is by taking Fido's Valentines Quiz. The Australian Securities and Investments Commission's (ASIC's) consumer website Fido, has developed a quiz to provide some light-hearted insights into your partner and money. To find out more about how financially compatible you and your partner are, click on this link.  A range of money quizzes are also available on the Fido website. You can test your ability to spot a dangerous investment, as well as your general financial knowledge, and how much you really know about your superannuation. If you don't know me by now... Often within couples there is a scrooge and a big spender. It's important to understand each partner's saving and spending habits to ensure your budget (or marriage) isn't doomed from the start.  Undertake a personal spending analysis before you prepare your budget.  Keep track of all your spending for a couple of months, compare your list with your partner's and discuss any expenses that might cause problems. Love is a battlefield... Ask each other the tough questions. What kind of life do you want to live together? Do you want children? When? Who will care for them? Will they go to private or public schools? When do you want to retire? Think about how these plans will affect your income and how you will need to adjust your financial and investment strategy. She works hard for the money... Run your relationship like a business partnership. A good business has a planned budget, the key partners are involved in large financial decisions, and someone is responsible for making sure that the bills get paid. For many couples, one partner is better at day-to-day money management. It is fine to designate this person as the bill-payer, but it is essential that the other person is kept informed. When it comes to making big financial decisions and setting goals, do it together.

Sources

• 'Couples and money', Money Magazine.
• 'Financial compatibility, questions to ask before the wedding'
• 'Financial advice for new couples', Home Hints
• 'For love or money', Money Manager
• 'A couple's guide to managing money', Money Matters
• 'Financial compatibility makes for happy marriages', New York Times